Christmas to New Years really took a lot out of me mood-wise. I remember I had 2 and half days of just sleeping and no appetite at all then boom I was hungry and luckily I just had enough to make a giant pot of soup in a stockpot.

I’ve learnt that I have to be prepared for the days I have no appetite while I keep taking my meds on time eventually my mood will stabilize then I get hungry and I eat like a bottomless pit. It’s one of the many side effects of taking an antipsychotic drug to manage my bipolar disorder symptoms. 

January is starting off nicely. Mobile service and the Internet is pre-paid up for the month in advance first-ever for me to have my bills paid ahead of time. The budget is helping me feel confident that I can handle my day-to-day needs.

The high interest-loan gave me a call asking if I filed a consumer proposal it was probably one of the calmest calls I’ve ever had with a creditor. I even knew the term that I have to meet back with my trustee for a meeting of the creditors if it was a pop quiz I aced it. I logged in my online account and many of the pages don’t have any information about my loan so this is a good sign things are moving as they should since the consumer proposal is active. 

More on my debts.  Capital one is cancelled which means once my consumer proposal is finished I wait about a year or two then I could hop back on the hamster wheel of rebuilding my credit yet again. This roller coaster is more active then managing my bipolar disorder. I’ve come to terms that within Canada having a credit history is just how our Canadian culture lives especially if I want to live in a different apartment or buy my first place. 

Had to tap into my emergency fund – Murphy’s law is so real.  Well Damn, I got hit with murphy’s law I lost the key fob that I use to enter my apartment building. It’s this giant debit card size card with a keyhole in it and for the life of me, I could not tell you where it ended up this card clearly ran away somewhere but I was able to quickly replace it and it only cost me $45 plus luckily the management office was open. 

The first payment for the bankruptcy trustee cleared my account so that is happening it feels real because the money left my account and like always my mother has some know-it-all opinion about me filing consumer proposal I miss my teenage-self that could ignore the parents talking. 

Dave Ramsey recommends a book called boundaries that I need to get myself probably will get it for my birthday coming up in February. 

I’ve been participating in a twitter chat #MoneyMasterClass hosted by Gail Vaz Oxlade, it’s been interesting to see that I do know more than I think and there is still so much I have no idea what I am doing like investing, but Tangerine is hosting an investing basics seminar and I registered to attend. 

As one of the activities in the twitter chat, Gail asked us to figure out goals and core values. So I got to work and wrote them down and then I broke it down into 1-month goals, 3-month goals, then 6-month goals, 1-year goals and even 5-year goals. I am not the type to think far in advance so 5-year planning is plenty.  

Some goals I want to work on for 2020 is to get out of consumer proposal I’m aiming for 2 years or less, build my 3-6 months emergency fund and have a regular income as a self-employed person coming from my adult live stream earnings and affiliate marketing commissions and my long-term goal is to transition off disability income support.  

My family thinks I should not transition myself off disability income, but you know how Dave Ramsey says don’t take advice from broke people this is one of them. Thanks, Dave Ramsey for the common sense support. 

It scares me because my bipolar disorder is for life and it’s not easy keeping it stable sometimes plus there are so many things I want to see myself achieve. This is where I would panic, and then I have to calm myself down that yes I have life long illness but it’s being managed and the rest I will figure it out. 

What’s frustrating and even a little disrespectful about this whole I filed consumer proposal for the second time and not a second bankruptcy is that everyone who is not living my life has an opinion of what I should have done and none of these people are living my life to see what’s going on and how I deal with it.

If these people are so concerned about my financial life then they should have been there to make the payments when I wasn’t able. I clearly remember my own family not giving me any advice while I was growing up or when I moved out at 18 years old feeling rejected and neglected.  

It is the same opinions people give me with how I live with bipolar disorder they couldn’t see how it happened and decided to blame it on me for being a rebellious teenager when it was way more complicated than that. Yea I know the family over the holidays all came to a semi-understanding of how serious my mental illness is but that took 17 years for them to be remotely open to the idea something seriously medical was not right with me.