So October started in a panic.

My pay advance loan didn’t keep their end of the agreement. So it resulted in my account being overdrawn, I was charged an NSF fee of $48, I spent two days on the phone with the loan company doing my very best not to yell and use cuss words we ended in setting another agreement where it should be for October 31 the payment they will skip and November 30 will be the regular minimum payment of $378.74 and I ended up calling grandma in a panic, she sent me $100 for groceries.

October here is Thanksgiving my dad ended up calling trying to invite me to dinner but I declined, sometimes it is extremely difficult to tell if my dad is calling me on his own or calling because he was encouraged by my grandmother (his mother). The family dynamic is mostly toxic and always confusing. Weeks ago my moms texted about Thanksgiving dinner I declined because her family is about 2 hours away and I am currently not driving and the budget has no room to set up ride share.

You would think my family would understand how I am working my best and hardest to pay off my debt and get my life in order since you know, I am approaching 35, but these people have a huge blind spot and I’ve given up on wanting them to be proud of me and recognizing my accomplishments.

Interesting news with work. One of the companies I work with has set up the payment option where I can receive my funds almost instantly. I say almost instantly because my funds are sent to a third party e-wallet account and that third party at the moment can only send me wire for a fee of $25 per transaction they also take 0.25 cents for incoming money transfers into the account. I’ve closed out two live cam profiles which means I am currently only working with five live cam adult entertainment companies. This has created a lighter workload and I am hoping less work anxiety.

So it looks like for October 2019. I will be posting weekly updates. I am rolling into the second week of October hoping it will be smoother. I’ve done some online shopping got myself some new lingerie that my boyfriend will surely enjoy and I have 3 appointments this week, an MRI that I am not excited about, therapy plus my routine Pap test. Most days I feel like I have no idea what I am doing and somehow certain major things get done and I mostly do it all by myself.